Practice (XMFC-verse)

[iamsylar]

Sylar waited for Charles out by the old barn where he'd told him they'd meet. To work on his abilities, nothing else.

He wasn't about to let Charles know that he didn't really need help controlling his powers. He could do more with his telekinesis than Charles would want to know about, and now there was the ice. It was a simple power that he'd picked up while Charles had sent him away, but it could be useful.

The power at the base of it all, though. The only one he'd been born with... If it could be controlled, he didn't want to know how.

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[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Charles blinked up at him. "If you- I can do that, if you'd like."

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

Sylar swallowed thickly. He wanted it. He wanted Charles to know all of it, and still let him stay. He couldn't be sure it would go that way, though. He couldn't be sure that it wouldn't destroy everything.

"If I let you, you have to promise you won't make me leave."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Charles wasn't sure he wanted to know what was in Sylar's head that badly. But Sylar seemed so intent on Charles knowing, and Charles didn't really want to upset him any more or put either of them in danger.

"Alright," he said slowly, nodding. "I won't make you leave."

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

Sylar furrowed his brow, not quite believing that. He touched Charles' face, brushing his thumb across his lips before he leaned down and gave him a brief kiss--just in case he wouldn't be allowed to do that again.

"Then go ahead."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Charles nodded, closing his eyes for the kiss and blinking them open again, examining Sylar's face. He took a deep breath and put a finger to his temple, letting himself inside of Sylar's mind.

A few moments later he gasped, staggering backwards into the wall. There had been so much blood, just like his nightmares. He put a hand to his chest, breathing deeply.

"Sylar," he started, but didn't know how to finish.

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

"You have to understand. You felt it, didn't you?" Sylar moved closer to him. "They weren't using it. They weren't improving. They were just going to take that evolutionary step and waste it. And all that wasted potential... draws me in. It's who I am. A hunter. I can't stop it. Please, you have to understand."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

"Stop," Charles said, holding a hand out, freezing him in place. You don't have to be this way, he thought, but another part of him thought he did understand, at least a little. Charles, too, felt the need to help people reach their potential, though he did not condone murdering them. At all.

You can stop it, Sylar. I think you don't want to.

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

Sylar tried to move, but he couldn't. He couldn't even open his mouth to speak. Do lions want to kill gazelles? It's how I'm made. It's what I am. It's what I need.

Being unable to move was starting to make him feel panicky. His breath was coming too quickly. Stop this Charles. I'm not going to hurt you.

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

I need you to stay there, then, Charles thought, backing up even more. He ignored the comment about the lion. Sylar wasn't some beast, he was a human, one of exceptional intelligence, at that. He should have known better than to compare his murderous traits to that of a wild animal.

You're not an animal, Sylar.

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

We're all animals. I tried. I tried to go back to who I was. He pushed his memories of sitting in that closet for hours, crying and writing on the walls for forgiveness while the blood was flaking on his hands. I thought you would feel it when you read my mind. I thought you'd understand.

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

"What is there to understand?" Charles nearly shouted, releasing his hold on Sylar.

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

"Because when I killed him--" Sylar didn't like to say the name, but he forced himself. "When I killed Brian Davis, that was the first thing in my life that ever felt right. Completely right. Like I wasn't just pretending anymore. And I could feel it. I could feel that he was the same as I was. He'd spent his whole life being pathetic and afraid, and he showed me how to stop even though he never could. He couldn't evolve, but he could help me evolve."

Sylar was out of breath, looking around helplessly. He didn't go any closer to Charles though, as much as he hated the distance. "I know it's wrong. I know I'll go to Hell for it. I know God's turned his back on me. All the years of going to church and choking on incense; Like a demon trying to pretend he's something else. Pretending he's Gabriel. Trying to sit through sermons that he knows are wrong, he knows it all the way to his core. This is who I've always been, and I want you to fix me so you could love me, but you never would. You'd smell sulfur on me."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Charles realized that he'd deeply underestimated just how damaged Sylar was.

"But- you said you don't want to kill people when you're here?"

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to hurt you." Some of the others had been tempting. Especially Hank, who seemed to want to be rid of his gift. Or Raven, whose power would allow him to be someone other than himself. "And I don't want to kill people. It's not like that. There's a purpose."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Well, that wasn't entirely comforting. Charles knew it would be easy for him to suppress the hunger inside of Sylar, but he wasn't sure that he wanted to. Could he take away something that seemed to be so integral to this man's psyche? And what would happen if he did? Charles did not enjoy playing God. It wasn't his place.

If Sylar hurt any of his friends, however, he wasn't sure if he could stop himself from doing what it took to protect them.

"You can't hurt anyone here, if you're staying."

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

"I won't. I wouldn't do that to you." Which was true in part. At this moment, he was sure he wouldn't. Things could change, though. He knew they could. "Tell me you don't hate me, Charles."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

"I don't hate you," Charles answered, shaking his head. He was probably incapable of hating anyone, which wasn't a particularly good thing. He was rather frightened of Sylar, though.

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

"You just don't want me anywhere near you." Sylar managed a little bit of a smile as he moved back a few steps. "I can do that."

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Charles smiled weakly back at him. How was he suppose to respond? He didn't know.

[graysylar.livejournal.com]

The polite distance was worse than fighting, but it wasn't as if Sylar hadn't expected it. He was a monster, and he'd been absurd to think Charles would see it any other way.

He should've just left when Charles told him to. Made a clean break. Maybe he would still do that.

"I'm going to my room," he said, and he turned to leave.

[agroovymutation.livejournal.com]

Charles nodded as he left, pressing a hand to his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut. He had no idea how to fix this.